D Day

So when I changed the link for the blog awhile back, my intention was to change the focus from it being a baby blog to just a blog about our life. Most days we are loving life. Today I don't think that title fits. Today is the day that we have been building up to over the past year. This morning we got up nice and early and had some last minute family time and then the boys and I took Daddy to the airport and he has officially deployed.

We are officially a deployed family.

As if saying goodbye at the airport was hard enough, I thought my heart would break when I was dropping the boys off at day care later this morning and Aidan told me "Daddy gone." So let's be honest. It's pretty much taking everything I have to keep it all together today and it most definitely isn't a day where "the S's are loving life".

When I look back over the past week or so, I feel really guilty. I spent so much time being angry. Not angry with my husband. Not angry with the boys. But angry with life. Angry that my husband, my boys' daddy, my best friend, was leaving. Leaving me. Leaving us. Leaving me to do all this on my own. And I know it's not his fault. But I was angry. And that anger was making me withdraw and close off. And I get that it's normal to feel like that. But I feel guilty now. I should have been nicer. I should have been more loving. I should have been more patient.

So as we move forward I am letting go of that anger and promising myself to just be the best mom, the best wife, the best friend I can be. My family comes first and there are two precious little boys who are depending on me to make everything all right. I am strong. We are strong. And when this is all over, we will be even stronger.

In the meantime I'll do my best to keep this blog updated. On us and on Daddy, too.

And maybe tomorrow the S's will be loving life again.